The look on your face last night really killed me.

I've never felt so guilty towards a student before, but this month I feel it twice. Two weeks ago, her words stung as she left the classroom - "Even if I have a real reason, you will also never understand." OUCH.

Then last night. Your sheepish, almost-tearing expression under the dim flourescent lamp. Squinting your eyes again like when we first met, which you fought so hard to overcome for the past months. OUCH.

But I believe I did what I have to do. I can only hope that you will also do what you need to do.

I can't remember who said this (i think it's zaoxiong).....those people who become teachers are those who enjoyed their own school experience so much that they join the teaching service in order to pretend they have not graduated. I used to dismiss this with a wave of my hand, but lately what he said came back to me and I have to wonder whether this is not true for myself.

* interruption * I was so exasperated with PW students begging me to tell them whether their written report is an EE (Exceeding Expectations) by now that I posted a threat in my msn nick. Sure enough, other people (i.e. non-students) start bombarding me and asking me whether they are an EE. Tsk tsk....grown ups are worse than students.

* back to emo mood * I haven't blogged in so long ....reading my own blog entries written two years ago which could have been written by a complete stranger. Have I changed so much in two years? Gosh... students that I was blogging about have already like GRADUATED. I didn't even blog anything about being a council teacher, and I have already been one for two years, all the ups and downs.

Teaching is slowly losing appeal for me. I mean, of course, all is good and fun now...but can I see myself eating supper with students or gossiping with them over lunch in 5 years time? 10 years? Gosh what a scary thought. I think I am not going to last if I don't make some mental preparation and adjustment.